


the anatomy of my crash

by PitchonthePitch



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Alex Manes Deserves Nice Things, Birthday, Drinking, Drunkenness, Good Brother Max Evans, Good Guy Forrest Long, Jealousy, Light Angst, M/M, Michael Guerin Loves Alex Manes, POV Michael Guerin, Party, Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, Sad Ending, Sad Michael Guerin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:40:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25982995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PitchonthePitch/pseuds/PitchonthePitch
Summary: “You were right about us.  We weren’t good for each other back then, but I think we are now -- as friends.”Michael’s smile fell.  “As friends?”Alex was too drunk to notice the disappointment clear on Michael’s face.  “Yeah,” he grinned.  “You’re my best friend, Guerin.  Shhh, don’t tell Maria!”*** OR, ***Alex gets exceptionally drunk on his birthday and tells Michael how glad he is that they're friends.  Michael quietly suffers.
Relationships: Forrest Long/Alex Manes, Max Evans & Michael Guerin, Michael Guerin & Forrest Long, Michael Guerin/Alex Manes
Comments: 8
Kudos: 98





	the anatomy of my crash

**Author's Note:**

> Title taken from the song, "Smiling," by Alanis Morisette! I'd recommend giving it a listen if you want to make this fic 2x sadder
> 
> Trigger warnings:  
> -mentions of drinking, drunken behavior  
> -mentions of a party  
> -mentions of breaking glass/making a mess

They knew Alex had gotten too drunk when he let his bottle slip from his hand, and it fell to the floor with a shatter. Maria and Liz whooped. “Oops,” Alex said, staring dumbly at the mess on his floor.

Forrest squeezed his shoulder and got to work cleaning up the spill and the broken glass. Alex immediately went to help but stumbled as he tried to walk. “Max, Guerin,” he called, smiling at Alex fondly, “will you please help my boyfriend get to his room?” Alex was definitely going to need the rest after the night he’d had. Someone probably should’ve cut him off a few beers ago, but none of them wanted to spoil his fun on his birthday. Forrest threw him a surprise party at his cabin. Everyone had come; even Michael and Maria, and they were in the habit of avoiding being in the same room together ever since their breakup a few weeks ago. Now, Michael and Max took Alex on either side and helped him walk to his room. The rest of the party goers called out cries of, “Happy birthday!” after him.

Alex gave one last wave to everyone before he turned his attention to the guy at his side. “Michael,” he hissed, voice in a stage-whisper so Max wouldn’t hear. Of course, Alex was very drunk, so his stage-whisper was really just a breathy yell that Max heard very clearly. Michael couldn’t suppress his smile. Drunk Alex wasn’t something he got to see very often; Alex didn’t usually let his guard down enough to let himself get drunk in front of other people. “Michael, I have to tell you something!”

“What, Alex?”

“You were right about us. We weren’t good for each other back then, but I think we are now -- as friends.”

Michael’s smile fell. “As friends?”

On Alex’s other side, Max cringed. He knew that Michael was still waiting for Alex, even while Alex was with someone else.

Alex was too drunk to notice the disappointment clear on Michael’s face. “Yeah,” he grinned. “You’re my best friend, Guerin. Shhh, don’t tell Maria!”

They’d reached Alex’s bedroom then. Max helped Michael set Alex onto his bed. Max didn’t say a word, but he looked at Michael and raised a brow, clearly worried. Michael avoided his stare, looking at Alex instead. “Things are good with Long, then?” He took off Alex’s shoes, then his jeans, and then he moved onto his prosthetic. The lotion that Alex used on his leg to help with the discomfort from the prosthetic was on the dresser by his bed. Michael reached for it easily and began applying it to Alex’s leg.

“Forrest,” Alex sighed. “I love that guy. It’s not a cosmic love, like what you and I had. It’s a grounding kind of love. With you and me, I always felt like some magnetic force was pulling me to you, like my whole center of gravity got offset everytime you walked in the room.” The words sounded prepared, like Alex had had this thought about their relationship many times before. “But with Forrest,” Alex went on, “I make the choice to go to him completely on my own, and every time I do, it feels like the best choice I’ve ever made. I feel so safe with him.” Alex had a dopey smile on his face that Michael had never seen on him before. His voice was a calm murmur.

“You didn’t feel safe with me?” Michael could hear the way his own voice cracked.

“No.” The answer was instantaneous. “Of course not. We weren’t good for each other.” Alex had been staring into space as he talked about Forrest with that dopey smile on his face. “But we are now,” he said, and when he turned back to face Michael, he shared that smile with him.

“As friends,” Michael repeated dully.

Alex giggled. He really was drunk. “You’re my best friend.”

“I know,” Michael breathed. “You’re mine too,” he added, but Alex’s eyes were already fluttering closed. He fell asleep with a smile on his face.

“You okay?” Max’s voice was hushed and careful, and he looked at Michael like he was afraid he would break as easily as the bottle Alex had dropped on the floor.

“I should get him some water,” Michael muttered, ignoring the question. He didn’t have it in him to lie to Max right then. “He’s gonna need it in the morning.”

Max called after him as Michael left the room, but Michael didn’t pause. He couldn’t stay and talk about his feelings, or whatever Max would have him do to get over his heartbreak. There _was no_ getting over Alex. Michael had tried countless times.

Max was gone from the room when Michael came back with a glass of water and a Tylenol. He put both on Alex’s dresser by the lotion.

“You don’t have to do that.” Michael jumped; he hadn’t heard Forrest enter the room. “I think it’s the boyfriend’s job to leave him water and Tylenol for his impending hangover.”

“Sorry, just--” Michael broke off, unable to explain the pull he felt toward Alex.

“Old habits, I know.”

Michael stilled. “He told you about us?”

“He didn’t have to.”

Michael felt his heart clench. Were he and Alex really that obvious?

Of course they were. The two of them could never stay away from each other, no matter how hard they tried. Alex was right; them coming together always felt like gravity, like an inevitable force they couldn’t fight if they wanted to. Even now, Michael couldn’t pull his gaze away from Alex as he answered Forrest. “Is this the part where you tell me to back off?”

Forrest moved closer into the room, standing at the other side of the bed where Alex lay sleeping peacefully. When he answered, his voice wasn’t cold or territorial; he merely sounded curious. “Is this the part where I have to?”

Against all instinct, Michael shook his head. “Alex chose you. And I respect Alex’s choices.” Michael knew exactly what Alex wanted from him now, and what Alex wanted was a friend. Michael would try his best to give him that, no matter what forces seemed to pull them together.

“But you still love him,” Forrest guessed.

Michael wasn’t about to confide in Forrest Long, of all people, about his feelings. This was the exact conversation he’d been trying to avoid with Max. “He’s my family,” he said simply, “and I’m never going to not be there for him when he needs me. So if you don’t want me around as much, just make sure that he doesn’t need me.” He crossed his arms, not backing down.

“Fair enough,” Forrest said. “I will.”

Michael nodded, satisfied.

Alex started to stir where he slept. His eyes fluttered open and locked on Michael’s. “Guerin,” he rasped, a smile pulling at his lips. “I’m glad you came.” He smacked his lips together with a thoughtful look on his face. “M'thirsty,” he realized. Michael reached for the glass on the dresser.

Forrest shot him a look. Reluctantly, Michael handed the glass over to him. Forrest helped Alex sit up in the bed and held the glass to his lips while he drank.

Michael forced himself to look away from such an intimate scene. “Happy birthday, Alex,” he said, starting for the door.

Alex didn’t answer, still drinking from Forrest’s glass.


End file.
